Our Life through Love and Loss..........

So excited about this new blog. Can't wait to start blogging.....

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Just figured I should share our new family member, Mr. George Strait. Yes my son Ty named him George Strait, even tho I tried to change it. Ty Loves George and george loves Ty. They are like two brothers and it is just so sweet to watch. Ty crawls around like a dog and plays with George every second he has home. George has taken to Ty like crazy as well. Ty actually picked him up and said awwww my first born puppy. lol!!! That was after 2 days with him.

I realized after having the dog for a little over a week that Ty has needed this, and that I should have done this for him right after we all lost Jackson. Ty has been hurting from the loss of Jackson alot more lately and this is why i got the dog. I didnt think it was going to be this great for him though. It has given Ty so much joy. Even if he hadnt of lost brothers this last year just being the only child he needed something like this.

We had to get a dog that didnt shed and was known to be smart and easy to train. Robs allergic so thats why we wanted one that didnt shed, and i dnt want hair all over the house! I also hate to train dogs so wanted a smart one...lol......He has been a very smart dog and is already trained after a week. So here are the pictures!

Monday, January 17, 2011

turning my sad morning into a positive

One day we will see God face to face and we will ask why, but until then I will hold my head up high and be happy for the time, and not sad for whats no longer mine.

I just was writing down my sad thoughts and this came to mind. I just kinda made it up but its true and on my hard days I need to remember to be happy for the time that I had with Jackson. We will see him again, its not a maybe kind of thing, it will happen. So until then I need to look at the best of what has happened to me and my family. We are very blessed.

Have a great new year everybody!

Sunday, January 2, 2011


Just thought I would share a quick memory of mine after I had Jackson.

I was in recovery getting blood transfusions due to losing too much blood after having Jackson Mac. My dad finally got to come back to see me. I knew that they had taken jackson down the hall which my family was standing in waiting to see him on his way to the NICU. Since i had a csection i hadn't got to see him yet. So anyways my dad gets back there to me and i ask him "how is Jackson?" He stands there and looks up at the ceiling trying not to cry (you have to understand that my dad never ever crys and i have never seen him cry) and says "how are you candice" I again say " dad please tell me how Jackson is" He looks back up with tears in his eyes and rubs his chin and mouth and then looks back down at me while his tears stream off of his face and says " candice he is perfect" He then turns all the way around with his back towards me and i guess cried for a second. When he faced me again I asked him if he had talked to the drs and he just told me that nobody was saying anything yet,but that they rushed Jackson down the hall pretty fast to start working on him. Dad was scared. He Kissed me on the head and said 'you have a lot of family waiting to come back here ( you can only go one at a time) to see you so Im going to go and let one come back now. I shouted the best i could as he walked away "please go see what the drs are saying and please let me know." He did better then that. A few minutes went by and the whole team of drs came back and told me how Jackson was doing and how they thought he was going to need the ecmo pretty soon but would wait a few more hours just to make sure. They came back in there 4 hours later and took me to see him in the nicu with rob. He was still wide awake. They said he hadnt been asleep since he was born. He just kept locking his eyes on Rob and squeezing our hands. I loved him so very much after that. He kept reaching for rob. He would put his little arms up so high reaching towards robs voice at only a few hours old. He loved daddy's voice and touch.

That was just a memory that had been on my mind this morning and it has been bringing tears to my eyes all morning as well, so i figured i would write about it.

I LOVE YOU JACKSON BEAL! THE HURT IS SOO HARD AND BAD AT TIMES BUT WHERE I USE TO CRY FOR YOU AND THE THINGS YOU WERE HAVING TO GO THRU, NOW IM JUST CRYING FOR ME. I cry when i think about all you had to go thru and how unfair it all was and i cry when i miss you so horribly bad. I also cry when i think about what you could be now. Its all selfish i suppose but its all because i loved you, and still do love you more then my own life.