Our Life through Love and Loss..........

So excited about this new blog. Can't wait to start blogging.....































































Monday, September 13, 2010

I am so glad that I have my new computer, so I can enjoy blogging again. There is one thing that I would like to report that has changed. I'm sure you all read my post when I lost Grady, and it said my uterus was damaged and we have just gone through to much to put ourself's through another pregnancy. Well my uterus is damaged but time does help it, and of course we're giving it time. I have also prayed and prayed, and thought i wasn't getting answers from God, about what we should do. We both want a healthy baby more then anything and are heartbroken through everything we have endured. I told Rob there is just no way I can go through anything else like this, and he agreed but kept telling me he really wished we could try just one more time. So I went to my appointment to have my tubes tied and was getting ready to go under and everything. Something hit me and I told the doctor, I can't do this. I just couldn't do it. I had signed the papers and everything and was laying in the hospital bed, I know talk about waiting til the last minute. So I called Rob and told him I chose not to do it, he was so happy, it almost made me cry. I did have an IUD put in tho. These last for 5 years. I told Rob in 5 years if I still feel like we shouldn't have another baby then I'll get fixed. He says we are not waiting 5 years! lol......So right now we aren't trying and wont be for a very long time, but we will try again one day. Rob was telling me "Candice, God doesn't ever give us more then we can handle, so even if something horrible was to happen again, we could and would handle it." Now how true is that? I have had genetic testing done and everything is normal, so I'm not sure what the deal is. What people don't know is that I have also had 2 miscarriages. One before I had Ty, and one a year before I got pregnant with Jackson, then of course I had Jackson at full term, and he lived for 10 days, and then got pregnant with Grady and was almost 7 months, alot further along then we thought when I had him as a stillborn. That's alot of losses to have nothing wrong with us, if you ask me. I'm just so scared, and I would never have a baby knowing that we are causing something, because even if the baby were to survive i wouldn't want to put a child through suffering as Jackson had to go through. So we do have the ok to have another child and that the baby should be healthy. Really just worries me though. I can handle miscarriages just fine and even a stillborn (not that we dnt hurt from it) but another loss like Jackson just seems to hard to endure again.


We are doing a golf tournament in Dallas Texas in memory of Jackson, all proceeds go to the Parker Reese Foundation. PRF has been there for us, and they really do help so many, and I'm honored to be able to do this for them! It's called Round Fore Jackson.........If anybody would like to help or attend please send me an email and I can set it all up. We need 128 players! It will be held at Bear Creek Club in Dallas. We also need sponsor's, so anything you can do will help and be greatly appreciated. If you play in the tournament it's $100 per player, but this includes 2 full meals, cart and balls, 3 drink tickets, a Jackson t-shirt, and awards ceremony at the end. First place is cash money! If you dnt play and would like to come, The ceremony at the end is open to you along with a meal for 15 bucks! If you can't play or make it, then you can buy a Jackson shirt in honor of Jackson and to help keep Parker's doors open. Thank you for taking time to read my blog and for supporting us through everything.....

Candice Beal

3 comments:

  1. Just talked to a friend of mine, and she said she had left comments, so i guess somethings wrong again. I'm going to try and fix this problem. Sorry if you have left commets and they aren't showing up.....

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  2. thank you dai! I'm not sure why others still aren't showing??? But thanks!

    ReplyDelete