Our Life through Love and Loss..........

So excited about this new blog. Can't wait to start blogging.....

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

New news! and lots of post!

So I've decided to start a new blog. My other blog was just suppose to be for Jackson and his journey, and of course cdh. I started posting other things about our family on there, because many people that i met through Jacksons journey wanted to keep up with us....then i started thinking, when new cdh parents go looking for blogs and research they would have to go through all of my many post before they get to the cdh part of the blog, and the blog was meant for CDH, so that's why my new blog will be here.....The crazy Life of the Beal's, Our Life through love and loss. I'm so excited to report all of our new news! First off, We're finally married!.....We are very happy together, and are proud to announce that we are expecting a new little baby!!!!! It was definitely a shock to us both. We were going to start trying in June after our wedding, but then i started to get dizzy and a few other things, so i finally went and got a test, and right away it had 2 lines.........It's very bittersweet to me. It's so soon after Jackson and we still have so much pain to deal with every single day, and it makes me so sad to think that Jackson had to start out so sick and fight so hard, why couldn't he have it easy? I miss Jackson more then i could or would ever think possible. I think God for this new gift that he has given us, but will admit i think his timing is extremely crazy! So there it is, that's the news. I hope everybody has a wonderful day, and I'll keep you all posted :)

p.s. I forgot to tell you all we decided to go ahead and get married rather then wait till June to have the wedding, because I'll be big pregnant then.....

So I've known i was pregnant for 2 weeks now. I still have no idea how far along i am or if it's more then one...lol. It better not be! We're trying to get the insurance thing together........takes forever! I think i'm going to go to the doctor in March. Rob wants me to go before then, so i might just for him. At the first of your pregnancy if something is wrong or going to go wrong theres nothing they can do, so i see no point in going until i'm 3 months....I'm scared to death though! We are going to have to go to a high risk doctor for the first 5 months of my pregnancy. Then after that if all is well i'll stay with my normal OBGYN. I will see both of them for the time being. I am waiting to tell everybody that i'm pregnant until I go to the doctor. It's freakin killing me! This one post is probably going to be really long because i'm using it as my pregnancy diary until i tell everybody....I already get sick in the evenings, no fun. I did the same thing with Jackson. I'm also thinking i'll start showing really soon with this one. Just because i got pregnant 4 1/2 months after i had Jackson......i hear that soon after a csection your uterus still isn't back to normal...it takes 6 months after a csection, and now it's having to grow again! So not looking forward to showing early at all! I've been getting really down lately, and Rob just lets me know everything happens for a reason and God is good. I really wasn't expecting for this to happen so soon. Well can't wait to post all of this...bye bye :)

So here's another post...I had to go to a place here in town just to make sure i was really pregnant. So i went a few days ago and they tell me that i'm already 2 months and am due September 13th! Wow, i thought i might be one month. I'm doing really good and to tell you the truth i'm surprised that i'm not showing yet...i know i'm only 2 months but like i said b4 i should start showing early.....i showed at 4 months with ty and 5 months with Jackson......What really sucks is that if i am 2 months preg then i got pregnant less then 4 motnhs after i had Jackson! It's almost been 6 months since i had him. Anyways i had about 10 more pounds to lose to be back to my normal size and then bam i'm pregnant! Although i wasn't trying to lose weight because i dnt diet or exercise, the last few pounds were just falling off.....i guess i just got lucky after J or god knows it depresses me to be fat and helped me out a little in that area..lol...I gained 70 pounds with ty and about 60 or more with Jackson.....ya i get big! I just can't wait to tell everybody that i'm pregnant! I still haven't told my doctor! He will be mad because i got pregnant well before 6 months had passed, but that wasn't our plan. (it was robs)I am taking my baby vitimins so no worries there......maybe next time i get on here to update i'll go ahead and tell everybody and give you all the blog to follow :)

SO here I am again with a new post and i've still just told a few people that i'm pregnant. Tonight i'm feeling really down, i guess because I just got through reading a fellow bloggers post and it brought back the day i had to leave jackson in the hospital and go home without my baby boy. We watched Jackson fight so hard, and love us with his sweet eyes, and hold our hands, and then he died, and we had to leave him there all alone, and we knew that we would never get to hold him again. It was so hard knowing that they were going to take Jackson to the morgue and leave him there all night in the cold and nobody holding him or loving him. I knew he was with God but still i didn't like the thought. It was so hard to watch him die and hold him in my arms as he tried to breath for the last 10 mins of his life. He got the hiccups for a few mins, and that about killed me to watch. I just held him really tight, as tight as i could until they passed. I knew the hiccups were him trying to breathe and it just gave me so much pain to watch and feel....My heart just goes out to the CDH parents and babies that are going to have to go down the same road we did, the pain is like no other and i really dnt think it's fair that God has given it to us or for that matter any of these poor babies. I know my relationship with God has alot of growing to do, but i still believe he has a plan for us and all this pain is meant for something. Now back to a happier note, we are getting so excited about our new baby! I hope to go to the doctor soon. Still taking my pills even though they make me so very sick. Even though we have suffered such a great loss, we still are so blessed. I'm so thankful for the days i did have jackson and for all the love that Rob and Ty give me daily, and for this new bundle of joy.

So I'm showing! I knew I would! I'm 14 weeks pregnant now. The first 2 months of this pregnancy were difficult for me, just because i thought of Jackson the whole time and it made me sad. I've passed that point and am now just happy that i have another baby to love. This baby will in no way replace Jackson or the pain, but it will let us have more love in our hearts, and we need that. I went to the doctor monday and then went to my specialist right afterwards. My doctor did a sono and said as far as he could tell everything looked great, but i dnt trust his machines this early on. So i didn't get my hopes up as i walked into Doctor Maberry's office. I was scared to death the whole time. It was awful! Anyways Dr. Maberry started my sonogram and did it forever! I kept asking "do you see something wrong?" He kept telling me NO just doing all measurements and checking everything out....So finally he said this baby has no defects, no cdh, and a great little heart beating at 140. I was so happy! Dr. Maberry is sooo good at what he does and also a very nice man. I just love him! He was the doctor I went to that confirmed Jacksons CDH. Even with that awful news he gave us, i really liked him. Then he asked me if i wanted to know what we were having and with tears in my eyes i said yes. A BOY! OMG, I dnt know how to make little baby girls! My third baby boy :) I know people say this all the time, but i mean it! I didn't care what I was having as long as it was healthy. He did say he wanted to see me back in 4 weeks to make sure it was a boy just because i found out a month before people usually do. He's 99% sure, and he's never been wrong so he says, but we were looking from the back end and sometimes girls little things are swollen....So maybe my girl has a swollen tt...lol. 99% pretty much means that it's a boy though....We are so happy! Thank you all for following along in all of our journeys, and may this journey have a happy ending.


  1. Congratulations on the new baby. I am so happy for you!! The time goes by so quickly. I will keep you and the baby in my prayers!

  2. congratulations on the new one to come. I know the aprehentions that come with being pregnant after having at CDH baby. I know I was a reck until the baby was out and fine! I look forward to following this journey as well!
    bobbi Mom to Kristen RCDH survivor!

  3. have just came across ur new blog, congratulations on the new baby, i too know the pregnancy journey that follows after a loss, but then mine after we lost Nathan cos of HLHS was Lewis who had CDH, so glad to hear baby is fine, all the best xxx

  4. Congratulations, so happy for you!

  5. I am so happy for you. I think your an amazing woman and you deserve to be happy. Congrats to you and Rob and little Ty. I love you and I still sob like crazy every time I read your blogs about baby Jackson. It baffles me how we were prego at the exact same time. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and no I wont bring you oreos or ice cream at 2 am but you can always call or text me anytime and I'll be here to talk to u. Muahhhhhhhhh!

  6. Sooooo happy for y'all. I just tear up every time I think of you! You are blessed!

    I don't think we can meet up on Monday, b/c we are finally painting the rest of the house, so the painters are starting on Monday. Text me when you get here though.

    Talk soon,