puppy!

Just figured I should share our new family member, Mr. George Strait. Yes my son Ty named him George Strait, even tho I tried to change it. Ty Loves George and george loves Ty. They are like two brothers and it is just so sweet to watch. Ty crawls around like a dog and plays with George every second he has home. George has taken to Ty like crazy as well. Ty actually picked him up and said awwww my first born puppy. lol!!! That was after 2 days with him.

I realized after having the dog for a little over a week that Ty has needed this, and that I should have done this for him right after we all lost Jackson. Ty has been hurting from the loss of Jackson alot more lately and this is why i got the dog. I didnt think it was going to be this great for him though. It has given Ty so much joy. Even if he hadnt of lost brothers this last year just being the only child he needed something like this.

We had to get a dog that didnt shed and was known to be smart and easy to train. Robs allergic so thats why we wanted one that didnt shed, and i dnt want hair all over the house! I also hate to train dogs so wanted a smart one...lol......He has been a very smart dog and is already trained after a week. So here are the pictures!

turning my sad morning into a positive

One day we will see God face to face and we will ask why, but until then I will hold my head up high and be happy for the time, and not sad for whats no longer mine.

I just was writing down my sad thoughts and this came to mind. I just kinda made it up but its true and on my hard days I need to remember to be happy for the time that I had with Jackson. We will see him again, its not a maybe kind of thing, it will happen. So until then I need to look at the best of what has happened to me and my family. We are very blessed.

Have a great new year everybody!

Memory

Just thought I would share a quick memory of mine after I had Jackson.

I was in recovery getting blood transfusions due to losing too much blood after having Jackson Mac. My dad finally got to come back to see me. I knew that they had taken jackson down the hall which my family was standing in waiting to see him on his way to the NICU. Since i had a csection i hadn't got to see him yet. So anyways my dad gets back there to me and i ask him "how is Jackson?" He stands there and looks up at the ceiling trying not to cry (you have to understand that my dad never ever crys and i have never seen him cry) and says "how are you candice" I again say " dad please tell me how Jackson is" He looks back up with tears in his eyes and rubs his chin and mouth and then looks back down at me while his tears stream off of his face and says " candice he is perfect" He then turns all the way around with his back towards me and i guess cried for a second. When he faced me again I asked him if he had talked to the drs and he just told me that nobody was saying anything yet,but that they rushed Jackson down the hall pretty fast to start working on him. Dad was scared. He Kissed me on the head and said 'you have a lot of family waiting to come back here ( you can only go one at a time) to see you so Im going to go and let one come back now. I shouted the best i could as he walked away "please go see what the drs are saying and please let me know." He did better then that. A few minutes went by and the whole team of drs came back and told me how Jackson was doing and how they thought he was going to need the ecmo pretty soon but would wait a few more hours just to make sure. They came back in there 4 hours later and took me to see him in the nicu with rob. He was still wide awake. They said he hadnt been asleep since he was born. He just kept locking his eyes on Rob and squeezing our hands. I loved him so very much after that. He kept reaching for rob. He would put his little arms up so high reaching towards robs voice at only a few hours old. He loved daddy's voice and touch.

That was just a memory that had been on my mind this morning and it has been bringing tears to my eyes all morning as well, so i figured i would write about it.


I LOVE YOU JACKSON BEAL! THE HURT IS SOO HARD AND BAD AT TIMES BUT WHERE I USE TO CRY FOR YOU AND THE THINGS YOU WERE HAVING TO GO THRU, NOW IM JUST CRYING FOR ME. I cry when i think about all you had to go thru and how unfair it all was and i cry when i miss you so horribly bad. I also cry when i think about what you could be now. Its all selfish i suppose but its all because i loved you, and still do love you more then my own life.

broken

My heart breaks tonight. I think I have cried 5 times, and in front of people. I never cry in front of people. I cant control it. I'm trying, but something inside of me is stronger then my will power to not cry.


Merry Christmas Candice Beal

Merry Christmas!

I want to wish you all a very merry Christmas. I love and cherish all of you and our special friendship, rather it be we are friends from long ago, just met or my very spacial blog friends, that i hold so dear. I mean after all, my blog friends aren't just my 'blog' friends. I have met many of you, and we hold a special bond that nobody will ever be able to understand. Our CDH babies :) I hate putting a lable on my Jackson like that, but hey it is what it is, and they are all so awesome! The ones on earth just as much as the ones that have passed and are now with their true maker. Our angels are going to be with the birthday boy himself, there is no better Christmas to have then that. I will be selfish and miss Jackson so terribly bad again this year, but I need to chin up and know hes in a much much better place.


Rob and I are having a couples Christmas party this year, and im really excited about it. I always have kid get togethers and fun activities but this year Im cooking Christmas dinner and serving wine and having games to follow with a great group of friends. It can be said that I love Christmas time more then any other season there is. Im about to go Christmas shopping one last time and then Ill be done with everything! I even love the shopping part of Christmas. Heck I even love our account getting smaller by the day. Ok I dnt love that part, but I love giving gifts so much.

Ty is already out for school for Christmas break and we are sitting here watching Christmas movies and drinking hot coco. He's in heaven. Im catching up on blogging and emails and doing laundry. I want to wish you all the very best Christmas ever! May the Lord be with all of your hearts during this hard time of year for a lot of us moms that have lost children.

p.s. Studdard family, I had some things ordered for your sweet twins and it was taking forever. So i drove up there yesterday to see what was taking so long, and the lady said what size again......errr! I was so mad!!!! SO now its going to have to be something totally different. Im so sad :( It was the best gift! I know Shawn would have loved them! Im going to try and see if anybody else can do it b4 Christmas. Again Im so sorry! Ive had their bows ready tho! I hope to see you all really soon. Im praying we get to go to dallas b4 the holidays are over again.


Candice Brooke Beal




Yes i cut my hair....this was takin at my Twins wedding last weekend. Such a pretty wedding!

I have Christmas cards made every year, except last year. It was just to hard to have a family picture made with out Jackson. This year we took some pictures and I am having the card made now. We did something really neat with them :) I was just thinking that I have grown close to so many of you parents with cdh babies, that I would love to send you a card. If you would like a Christmas card from the Beal's please just comment under here with your email address so i can email you and get your address to send it to. I know i got a few last year from some of yall, and we just love them! I'm trying to get a new email for stuff like this so thats why i'm just wanting all of yours so i can write you. I can't wait for yall to see them, I think they turned out great.

P.s I love this time of year!!!! and here is one picture that wont be on the card...

It's makes me so happy to get on my blogger and read all the good news of my cdh survivors. What precious babies yall have. I still pray for the parents that I kept up with that have lost their precious babies as well. I know how hard it is, just so hard, and breaks you right in half. I know you can be so happy at times, but still carry around the sadness, that will never leave and I pray for you all.


I threw a Halloween party for my little Ty 2 weekends ago, it was a blast! Everybody had so much fun. I can't wait till next year, it'll be even better. Ty was just in heaven with all the little things I bought for the kids and the creepy music i played during the party. I made ghost stew (chicken dumplings) for all the guest and that was a big hit as well. I wont post all the pictures, because there is just too many, but will post a few.....Rob, Ty, and I were vampires. It was pretty cute, although Ty is at the age i can't pick the cute costumes out anymore, so that's upsetting..lol. He wanted to be a vampire so Rob and I had to go with it and match. Maybe next year he'll let us do Narnia, hey one can hope :)


Enjoy the pictures!